so... i love you.

after much deliberation i have come to the conclusion that i just CAN'T do it. i am way too scared. i have this friend and he's always asking me if i'm afraid of different random things to which i always answer, "no sean, i don't have irrational fears"... well, i guess this makes me a liar because i have tried (believe it or not) and i can't just go and be like, "hey [dude], so... umm... ya. i love you....or something... heheh" which, by the way, is pretty much how i'd probably end up doing it. and then i'd probably play it off with some sarcastic comment/joke because 'i'm just sarcastic like that' (but i'm NOT mean, jenn!!!) to justify my backing out i will just say that five months is a really long time... and it's time that i'm not willing to give back. and to everybody who keeps pointing out that "you promised! you can't back out on your promise!" i want you all to know how hard it is to not keep a promise like that. just pick somebody to tell something big to, and make it somebody who is really important to you that you would be sad to lose even just a little bit of your friendship with, and make it something that they disagree with you on (or don't feel the same way about). tell yourself "i AM going to tell them. I PROMISE!" and then try and do it. see if you really can. and if you do, please come and tell me about it. let me know how you did it because maybe i could use some pointers. anyways... that's what i wanted to say. i wanted to let you all know how the progress of that was going and i am open to any helpful tips or advice... or real-life stories to inspire - as long as they're not too cutesy, because then i might have to kick you.. in the face... just sayin'. haha.